1. What is YOUR definition of acceptable sex? See, this wasn’t really a question in my subconscious brain until the statement was made, “Well, I don’t think my definition of sex is the same as his definition. When you start going down the lines, mine may have a few more acceptable items on it than his.” I realized I had been trying to formulate my things that are in the realm of YESPLEASETHANKYOURIGHTNOW, okay, maybe, no, and “oh, hell no!” (aka: never). I think this is an incredibly important conversation to have with your partner and one far too few people ever are courageous enough to engage. Maybe it’s that you’re afraid of being judged or abandoned. Healthy relationships are really a safe space to explore our authenticity and heal our wounds. However, you cannot even begin the conversation until you have really explored it with yourself.

2. What’s the one thing you’ve wanted to do with your partner (or a partner for us single folk) that you’ve never done before and what would it take for you to do it? Life is so short. Why wait? Do it! You just might thank me for it later.

“To start a business, you need three things: a product or service, a group of people willing to pay for it, and a way to get paid. Everything else is optional.”

I think we get so caught up in the right and wrong of what should and shouldn’t happen in the bedroom that we betray our own soul from seeking the pleasurable experiences it longs to have. I think we are so worried about being left that we never fully express what we want or fantasize about. Are you willing to reveal your authenticity with your partner sexually? There are few people so rigid that they can only do things one way. Most of us have our own rhythms and curiosities. We can be wild and tender, hard and soft, fast and slow, playful and quiet, naughty and nice. Unfortunately, most people are so incredibly afraid of the societal and religious morals that they hide their desires. Heterosexual men are afraid of exploring any level of pleasure around their anus for fear of being judged homosexual, afraid of being tender for fear of being judged weak.. Women are afraid to explore attraction to other women for fear of being judged lesbian, and afraid of being openly exploratory for fear of being judged a slut (I mean Rush Limbaugh called a woman a slut for using birth control. Imagine what he calls women who want to be with two people or tied up). Not to mention bringing anything close to the fringe of acceptable into the experience for fear of being judged freaky or kinky. Who sets these crazy parameters and judgments? Pleasure is pleasure and relationship is the exact place where we can feel free and safe enough to explore. Relax. Trust. Feel. Discover. No one needs to know outside the confines of your bedroom (or bathroom, kitchen, backyard, car.

I have had enough experience to know that nothing is truer than biochemistry is at the root of attraction. There are some things your lover simply cannot teach you. I have been kissed on the neck by many lovers but very few know the precise spot, amount of pressure and length of the kiss that causes a body shaking orgasm. Every lover you have been orally pleased by are different in their technique. A few may have similar tricks but none can do it quite like that one. You know who I am talking about. Parts fit differently from lover to lover- and that is true from the kiss to intercourse. A lover can only coach you so far and then it truly is either chemistry or not. Perhaps this is the 20% that your partner simply cannot give you. Can you both be secure enough in the 80% of what is right in the relationship to explore the 20% outside of the relationship? Is it cheating if you both know and agree? No. However, knowing AND agreeing is the key. If you do not have that commitment and acceptance, bloody well don’t do it!

Sex is not to be confused with love, power, or control. Both genders withhold sex, we just do it a little different. Women will deny sex to prove a point, get what they want, punish their partner. Men, in turn, deny women what women want; support, listening, involvement, and respect. Does it work? Yes and no. Successfully punishing while also building confusion and resentment. Just don’t do it. If your partner is withholding sex, take the time to find out why. In the long run, it will be much easier and everyone will be much happier. Allow sex to be an expression of your feelings for your partner and your willingness to deepen your level of trust. Let it be the playground of your relationship. Have fun with it. Make time for it. Be a little naughty. You just might discover something new about yourself!

WR: If you could give one piece of wisdom from this book to someone who is scared witless about leaving the confines of the corporate world to start their own gig, what would it be?

CG: I’d say that’s the wrong mindset. No need to quit your job immediately! Start something on the side instead. Use your lunch hour, your nights, your weekends — whatever it takes. A small initial success is better than a blind leap of faith.

WR: I think most of my readers know failure intimately, but almost all are afraid of succeeding. What does success feel like? How do you balance it with your life?

CG: That’s a very astute observation. Success feels good and is nothing to be afraid of. It’s kind of like the old adage about being rich or poor: there’s nothing wrong with being poor, and you can indeed be poor and happy. But if you have the choice, being rich is better. Similarly, success is better than failure.

Go get the book. Get one copy for yourself and extra copies for anyone in your life graduating school, in employment transition, or just miserably unhappy with their job. He does a great job making this stuff simple and inspiring. It’s super affordable, an easy read, and rather fun!

This is based on Danielle LaPorte’s  ’30 Days To Fire Up Your Creative Genius’ Challenge. You focus on the vision/dream, the goals, but how do you want to feel when you get there? What needs to you want to have met? What does having the dream house mean to you? What need does it meet beyond shelter? For me, living in my dream home will mean I have been able to share my knowledge with others in a way that has provided a return on investment. It means that I touched enough people that my business has swelled enough to afford me the ability to live near a beach. It means I can met my needs of being energetically refueled by being able to run of the beach, surf, and meditated to her songs. It means I am honoring my authenticity. I would feel grounded, inspired, healthy. It means I would feel wonderful surrounded by friends paying visits.

So, how do you want to feel in your life? Ms. LaPorte suggests the following exercises:

Do a stream-of-consciousness riff: concepts, words, feelings, images. This is about optimal, positive, nourishing, and good — very good — feelings. Put them on paper. Let a tsunami of desire flood you. Invest in yourself. Want what you want. Go.

Study your list of desired feelings. read it over a few times. Read it out loud if you’re inclined. Sleep on it. Take it for a walk. What jumps out at you, feels warm, feels yes!, feels really important and valuable? Identify the words or concepts that really turn you on.

The objective of this exercise is to narrow down your list to three to five desired feelings. Whittle it down; make some tough choices. Having a tough time choosing between, say, creative and artistic, or strong and powerful? Try this: Look up the definitions of words. Each word is its own planet, and knowing the actual definition and origin can be instantly illuminating.

Repetitive questioning. This is a potentially annoying, galvanizing little minde trick: Keep asking yourself how a feeling feels. Get underneath its skin. Like this:

So, what does confidence feel like?
(Answer with the first thing that comes to mind.)
“It feels like winning.”

What does confidence feel like?
“It feels like being certain.”

What does confidence feel like?
“It feels like … clarity.”

Bingo. What you really desire to feel is clarity.

Write each word you’re considering on its own sticky note, even if it’s ten words. Stick them on the fridge for a day, or around your computer monitor, and see how they make you feel. You’ll start to see how confidence is really summed up with the word strong, or how beautiful, classy, and elegant are present in one word: graceful. Toss the sticky notes that don’t make the cut and see what you’re left with after a few days.

Set a deadline for yourself. “By Saturday, I’ll be clear on my core desired feelings and that’s that.” Don’t sweat it. This isn’t a test. You can change your mind later, have an aha moment, and recalibrate it all when you wake up.

Act the way you want to feel
Five to ten accomplishments or experiences that will make me feel this way:

• Three things I will do today to generate these feelings.
• Three things I will do this week to generate these feelings.
• Three things I will do this quarter to generate these feelings.

Do the work! I promise you, Ms. LaPorte is on to something here. All this Law of Attraction stuff only works if you are willing to get to the core. When you do, you have power that will help you really reach beyond your wildest dreams. Get busy. You have some work to do.

Follow Danielle LaPorte on Twitter: www.twitter.com/daniellelaporte

I thought about actually sharing the conversation and this lovely, lovely man’s photo’s, but I don’t want to be mean. I think he’s probably had enough pain based on how rude he was. I thought I had responded compassionately to him and explained why I wasn’t interested. Bad move.My usual “best of luck with your search” would have been much better. I got “shallow b*tch”, “no wonder you’re alone,” and “I wouldn’t f- you with my dog’s d*ck”. Oh, okay. That doesn’t even make sense, sir, but okay. Wonder how that anger management class is working out for ya?

Here’s what I have observed. In general (and thank God for the exceptions to the rules), men want a savior; a soul mate and best friend. Men want a beautiful woman, but they don’t want to put the work in to be a healthy man. Men don’t want gold diggers, game players, or bar flies. Yet, they want a well manicured woman, who doesn’t think too much, and isn’t too independent (she needs to have her own life as long as it doesn’t interfere with his needs and desires). At the core, both genders (regardless of which gender they are attracted to) want to feel like they are needed, that they matter, to belong, to have intimacy, and to feel loved.Why are those needs so challenging to meet?

There’s a balance between stating those needs and finding ways to meet them that does not require shirking the responsibility off to someone else. I am looking because I want someone in my life, not because I need someone. As such, I have no need to settle just because I am lonely. I value autonomy and authenticity. I value good health and communication. I value transparency and truth. Why does that suddenly feel so impossible to find? What I am seeing is a lot of hurt out there. Few, if any, have a needs literacy. They have excellent building skills, though, from the walls to protect themselves from the pain of potentially unmet needs. This is creating a divisiveness. It’s only going to get worse. Sometimes I feel like because I won’t settle, because I know that there is someone out there wondering where the hell I am that is perfect for me, that I am all alone in this quest. I see the pain and want to help people heal it but it seems like I am the only one who sees it. Am I?

How is your weight? How is your ability to focus? Your memory? The clarity of your eyes and skin? Your gums? Your lungs? Your allergies? Do you have acid reflux, sour stomach, or constipation? Do you get headaches? Ladies, how are your menstrual cycles? How’s your emotional clarity? Is depression or anxiety an issue? Have you noticed you had to take medications for any of these?

I have talked about this in the past, but I have an on-going battle with candida (yeast) in my body. Mostly because I, even as a vegetarian, do not get enough veggies, get too much bread (even though it is whole grain), and consume way to much sugar. I enjoy a good beer or wine, so even though it’s only a couple times a week, it’s the perfect food for the candida. After contracting a bacterial infection recently (I believe from a poor food choice), I got to take antibiotics. I hate taking these. They kill off every good bacteria in the body with the bad bacteria and yeast infections ensue. This time, I took the week to really ramp up the foods that are extra good for me and tried to cut out the culprits of candida growth. It is not easy. Yet, the results we amazing. Here’s the interesting thing: the antibiotics cost as much as the groceries for the week. The doctors appointment wasn’t cheap, either.The time it took to cook was always under 15 minutes and often left me with 2-3 meals. I missed a lot of work that week due to feeling bad from the infection, so I missed income. That illness cost me a lot. Eating healthy and staying active actually saves me money. I consider myself healthier than the average American, but certainly I have work to do in order to maximize my health (and I do this for a living!).

Can you afford to continue the path you are on now? What will it take for you to invest in your physical health, your future, your financial long-term health?

Why do I want the ideal partner? Why do I want to make Whole Warrior Project successful? Why do I want to be a best-selling author? Why do I want to grow my own veggies and go to yoga twice a week? When I think of it from that perspective, it brings a different meaning to it all, more clarity, makes it easier to go for. No more have to’s. Only want to’s. So why do you want what you want?

Jesus is used as a scapegoat far too much these days. What is the big fear of women, homosexuals, and immigrants? Clearly there are a lot of people out there who are hurting from their needs going unmet. I have to wonder though, what are the unmet needs? How is hating anyone going to meet those needs? Jesus taught his followers to love. I certainly do not like the message or the underlying hatred and judgment the sign holders cast that day. However, I have to love them and all the woundedness that keeps them locked into a cycle of violence. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Clearly by the message on the signs, they hold no self love. That is tragic in my eyes.

I hope one day we can all have our needs met in a way that relinquishes the need to use the Bible as a weapon. I think that’s really what Jesus would want.