Doesn’t everyone long for that one person that seems to be the perfect fit? You know, like that one article of clothing that not only feels great on, it makes you look great, you seem to have better luck when you wear it, and you just feel like a better person with it on. Those things are hard to find and in a lifetime, we might only find a few. Unfortunately, nothing is permanent and it often wear outs, we outgrow it, or succumb to fashion and get with the times. I don’t know that, with the exception of jewelry maybe, we ever have that one thing for a life time. So why would we expect that in a relationship? And why would we expect to find such a rarity without being completely honest and transparent about ourselves when we are meeting new people?

There’s a dating website called Plenty of Fish. Great name. I think, though, the users have maybe never been fishing and don’t really understand how much dating is like fishing. I grew up fishing with my Grandads. Loved it. It was something we shared and I wasn’t afraid at all to put a worm on the hook. I wasn’t afraid of taking a fish off till I caught my first catfish. Not knowing any better, I grabbed it with my bare hand, all brave like, as my Grandads was trying to reach me saying, “No!” I yelped and let go as the pain in my hand reached full throttle, blood appearing where I’d been sliced. Never took a fish off a hook again, but kept on fishing. One thing I learned for sure, was you won’t catch a damn thing if you don’t go to the water and drop in a line. I know for a fact, most the time you sit with your line in the water waiting. Sometimes nothing happens at all. That is some of the best time to think, process, be silent, listen, connect with nature, and heal. Sometimes the fish nibble but don’t bite. At least it keeps things interesting. Sometimes you get bites, but nothing hooked. Oh man is that frustrating when you reel in the line and the damn fish has stolen the bait. Alas, the fish outwitted me and I always give kudos to the fish for being wise enough to eat and survive another day. On a really good day though, you can catch enough to at least feed yourself and on stellar excursion, you can fill coolers full of future meals! I don’t know that I have ever seen the perfect fish. At best, it’s enough to sustain you, but hell, beans and rice will do the same trick. So why do we aim for perfect in relationships? Why not aim for what sustains and inspires us mentally, physically, and even spiritually? Why not just enjoy the fishing and release attachments to the outcome?

I hear when you’re fishing with lures, it’s best to use the ones that look most like the bugs the fish like to eat. So, gentleman, most women (while we do appreciate a fine body) are not as visual as men when it comes to nudity. Why on earth would you use a shirtless photo (particularly one shot in a mirror with your cell phone) as your profile photo? I have to admit, this is a photo someone has on their profile that looks an awful lot like someone inspecting his…belly button. Makes me laugh! Personally, though I know for sure you’re in shape, I also get a sense you’re more impressed with yourself than any woman could be. If you want a smart, real, authentic, kind, carrying woman, why not try to attract the ones who are not so shallow to just look at your photo? What do you look like in casual clothes? What do you look like dressed up? Oh, and please do not post your kids photos unless you have their mama’s permission. Perhaps also have a friend capture a photo of you rather than the driver seat self-shot or the one with the ex-girlfriend/wife cut out of the shot. And the last thing on this topic, if you look like your dog, probably not a good thing to put a pic of you and your dog up (especially if it is small enough to be carried in a purse) unless you’re making a total joke about it.

Next, when you message someone, engage the conversation and show off your communication skills. Let them know you actually read their profile and liked more than just their appearance. You can kill two birds with one stone by saying, “Hello. I saw your photo and find you attractive. I really liked that you…” I don’t know, love to cook, listen to music, like to dance. Find something. It is hard to continue a conversation when one person says, “Hi.” Okay, hi. Doesn’t mean much until you take it to the next level.

Finally, don’t waste a bunch of time emailing and texting. A few back and forth’s are fine, but more than that starts to set up expectations that are greatly disappointing if there is no chemistry upon meeting (or worse, one of the parties has misrepresented themselves!). Meet for coffee, tea, cocktail. You don’t click, no harm, no foul you invested an hour and $3.

Happy fishing.